Up and down, up and down...I cannot commit to an emotion. Well, perhaps that isn't true. Anger is one that is very prevalent right now. Anger and confusion. I want to just scream and scream and scream, and then to wake up in my parent's house, a child, and start over.
I want to start at the beginning, make better choices, not put my body through the hell I did for years. I want to erase the seizure medication, love my natural hair color, and not use products with aluminum in them. I want to shake the "Laura" that existed three months ago, and to tell her that her trials aren't done. I want to warn her that there's more. And that there will be MORE and MORE as the days wear on.
I want for this to all be a dream. To have never been pregnant. To not know what it's like to share a body with this precious little being that now I'm going to have to live without.
I.
Just.
Don't.
Understand.
And I'm feeling so sorry for myself, it's hard to breathe.
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